Most of us would assert that our loved ones, and our relationships with them, are what we value in life more than anything else. And psychological study after psychological study has supported this notion in recent decades. The questions asked by our clients in psychic readings also, not surprisingly, reflect this - without any doubt, the vast majority of the readings we do at Origin Psychics are to do with questions about relationships in one form or another. Naturally, too, most of these are to do with romantic relationships.
Over the years and the tens of thousands of readings that we've done about relationships, I've been asked almost every question you could possibly imagine about love, and probably some you could not imagine! But one of the most challenging questions I personally encounter in readings is when a client asks me "Is he (or she) 'THE ONE'?" Or variations on that theme: I thought he was THE ONE but he's left me. If he isn't THE ONE then when will I meet THE ONE? How will I know when I've met THE ONE? Yes - I'm using caps deliberately, because this concept is an incredibly loaded one - loaded particularly through the mis-use of this term by the popular media. And hence the 'myth-buster' title. Why 'loaded'?
When someone uses language referring to THE ONE, they potentially reveal a number of things about their paradigm of relationships. A paradigm is simply a point of view - it incorporates the position we take and the beliefs upon which that position is built, and sometimes, it's so close to our skin that it's difficult to see.
My observation is that this paradigm of relationships is a very limited one. At the very least, it reflects a belief that there is one 'perfect' person each of us is destined to meet and form a successful and fulfilling relationship with in our life time . This person is our 'soul mate', and often, there is an expectation that this person will make us feel 'complete', we will be ultimately compatible, the best of friends, that the sexual chemistry will be fantastic, and they will meet most, if not all, of our emotional needs.
Does this sound a bit exaggerated? Are you reading this and thinking, 'Well come on Cathy - I'm an intelligent person! Of course I don't expect all that from my relationship!'
Just take a moment then to explore your own beliefs about relationships. Ask yourself a few questions:
- How would you feel if you discovered your partner was confiding things they'd never told you to a counsellor (or a psychic for that matter!) Does that somehow undermine your relationship? Is that disloyal?
- Imagine a very dear friend or family member suffered the tragedy of losing their partner, someone they considered to be their 'soul mate' - THE ONE for them. And then, some time later, they fell in love again! They're happy, and full of life and energy again. Which partner, for them, is THE ONE?
- How much of a priority do you expect to be in your partner's life? I'm not talking now about the early, passionate stages of a relationship. Be honest with yourself. Do you really, sincerely, make room for your partner's emotional and creative needs, or do you just tolerate them, and still expect to be 'NUMBER ONE' most of the time?
These are difficult questions, and of course, there actually aren't any black and white answers. They're a bit like that famous QC and his 'hypotheticals' - nigh on impossible to answer unless, perhaps, if you're actually in that situation.
But really examining what you believe about relationships can be incredibly empowering, and reveal the underlying, and often unconscious beliefs which may be blocking your relationship happiness. Or perhaps, blocking a deepening of your relationship.
What I've been fortunate enough to witness through the intimacy of readings is that we do seem to have this incredible and quite magical capacity to spontaneously connect with others in our deepest heart. There are some people we seem to have a perfectly natural compatibility with. And sometimes, sadly, we also seem to be drawn to certain people almost despite what our heart and mind is telling us. There is an incredible mystery in relationships - that can't be denied. But the mystery of 'THE ONE' doesn't really match up with the vast, incredible, and magical universe of which we're a part.
