One of the best Christmas presents I could ask for this Christmas isn’t a new iPad or the latest Gucci bag. Certainly these things could give me a certain amount of instant gratification and perhaps even some style! But no product or item, no matter how expensive or nifty, can ever measure up to the priceless nature of having healthy and loving relationships. Memories of cool clothes and gifts fade, but can you ever forget that Christmas where the family had a huge fight, or the first Christmas without a cherished loved one, after they passed away.
As adults, the reason I think we love Christmas is because it’s a wonderful occasion to bring family and loved ones together. The reason we may also hate Christmas is that it can also be a stark reminder of relationships in our lives that are no longer whole – whether this be family, friends or romantic relationships.
Nevertheless, I believe Christmas can be an opportunity to open the doorway to a new spirit in our relationships. This spirit is not based on the idea of getting what we want from a relationship. This doesn’t mean getting your partner back or making sure your mother apologises for past offences.
The real spirit of Christmas is about the act of unconditional giving.
The real spirit of Christmas is captured in the act of looking beyond your old hurts and resentments and seeing that in giving without expectation of receiving something back, we open up new emotional possibilities for inner healing.
While I’m sure you would nod your head in agreement with the above principles, in practice it is amazing how difficult this can be. This is especially so in cases where we feel we have been taken advantage of, or feel unloved by the other person. Our insecurities and sense of being unappreciated can lead us to the conclusion that it is better not to give and not be hurt, than to give and live with constant disappointment. This perspective can be a cancer eating away at our feelings of trust and joy in the world. When important relationships are not whole, it is hard to find wholeness in yourself.
So, what can you do to heal your relationships this Christmas? It’s really very simple. Find it in your heart to forgive the person who has hurt you. You may wish to send them a card or a text message or even a gift, but do this, if at all possible, without any expectation of receiving something back.
You make the conscious decision that this is not about hoping to reconcile, but about wanting to embrace a new spirit inside yourself.
By practising this decision, you send out a message to the universe about the kind of world you want to live in. Who wants to live in a world of hurt, resentment and anger? While we can’t stop others from being this way – even those we love – we can certainly make a choice for ourselves.